Never imagine in my life, that in the midst of this pandemic, I was one of those who had to lose a family member due to covid.
I think, this would never happen to us.
24th of August, 07 AM.
My mom called, she said with very calm voice, also slowly (maybe try to hold the tears), said, "Ren, last night, your uncle was gone."
My uncle was a doctor. He retired on Nov 2020. That time, we relieve that he doesn't need to risks himself in this pandemic. He almost 60, with hypertension.
But, on 4th Aug, we got a chat in family group: "Mohon doanya agar saya lekas sembuh dari Covid-19."
That's the last day he chat on group. Also the last day he's in his home.
Since then, he never comeback.
He'll never send us any messages on our group chat. Annoying message (that usually I'll reply to tease him).
My uncle hospitalized since 4th of Aug.
After around a week having cough, he decided to go to hospital where he used to work by himself, by motorcycle. His saturation on 94 and his condition getting worse day by day.
On the first days, he still conscious. He still can called my mom. Talked about his condition, sometimes angrily. Even yelling because of the respirator or any oxygen device he used (don't know exactly what it is) really bothered him. Make him in pain.
He's very uncomfortable. But, we don't have any choice. He experienced shortness of breath. Using it is the only choice.
Actually... did he really conscious that time? Don't know.
The next few days, it's harder to communicate with him. He's on ICU (or HCU?). But, he didn't have his phone on him. It's on nurses, and out of battery (it's ICU anyway). We couldn't do some video call, or even chat.
All of his family (wife and 2 daughters) also tested positive. So, yeah, they were on isolation to each other.
Maybe, it feels like there's no one can support you as a patient that time, my uncle think. Just maybe.
So, my uncle was alone on that room. We don't blame him that he's angry. He get mad with the situation. In addition, he's also a kind of panicky person. You can imagine then.
Panic, alone, medical devices made you in pain, difficulty breathing.
Since his wife also have a mild symptoms and hospitalized in another room, his children did self isolation on their house, my mom was the one in his emergency contact. Every update come to my mom, everyday. Any procedure my uncle needed, it's my mom to decide, sometimes. We live in different city by the way. He lived in Pekalongan. There's no other direct family, besides his in-laws. But, since my mom is a doctor, then perhaps there's unwritten rules, that it-should-be-you-to-make-decision-because-you're-a-doctor.
At that time, I was still thinking, my uncle would make it and he can still go to Bekasi to visit my grandparents, as he said back on Dec 2019 (last time we met him), after this fucking pandemic.
But, every update my mom got, somehow she knows that my uncle condition a bit hard to recover (she's a doctor tho). Moreover, turns out the comorbid and other medical condition, worsening his condition.
His doctor plan to refer him to larger hospital where equipped by more complete medical devices. But, it's in Semarang, about 1-2 hours from Pekalongan. And unfortunately, the ICU on destinated hospital still full. So, it's risky to move him without the ICU room ready.
So, yeah. We did all the things we can do. Doctor did all the things they can do. But, the story didn't end like what we want.
He's gone on midnight. Don't know it's 23rd or 24th of August. What we know, the news come in the middle of the night.
From now on, there's no more uncle that I can tease anymore. I might not that close to him like my sister. I spend less time with him compared to my sister. But, I can say that we have good communication.
We can't even say goodbye properly. Everything was really fast.
My uncle already fully vaccinated. But, you know, being vaccinated doesn't guarantee to be Covid-free.
So, you might think, what's the point to be vaccinated? My uncle doesn't survived anyway.
I'm not a doctor nor the scientist. But I believed, fully vaccinated, can be slowing the transmission, even fully prevent for some people (not to my uncle of course). To avoid severe conditions.
And to let healthcare facility and medical forces focus on the patient who need them the most. To make them not overwhelmed. So, when some patient really need to be referred to larger hospital, they can send them without waiting for days or weeks, for available room.
The saddest part of this episode is losing our uncle definitely. But, it's not the only one.
Another saddest part is, to see my mom become frustrated, exhausted, stressful, even losing weight because of this.
And this isn't end even my uncle has gone. The trauma still there, even after a year. The anxious she feel everytime a phone rings in the midnight.
Telling my grandpa is another part of hardness in this episode of our life. It's also a challenging if you know how his character is. Yeah, he doesn't accept the reality easily.
Seeing my grandpa crying. Seeing my mom hold her emotions. And we don't even know what to do. We cannot just go to Pekalongan because we need to think our safety.
I never love to see it. I don't like the stress I (even parents) fell during our time in the past days.
I don't want to see that anymore. I don't want to feel worry or anxious like that anymore.
Hence, I try as hard, possible as I can to avoid or minimize the risks.
So, I don't need to feel those kind of feelings (often). Even, if it's mean I'm irrational to you.
Rest in piece, Ujien.......